1. |
Insecure
04:10
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You were right, you were right,
all I do is follow you around like a dumb dog
You were right, you were right,
all I do is follow you around like a dumb dog --
will you scratch my itch and take me for a walk?
You don't know me,
you don't know what I need,
you don't know what I could be to you,
you don't know, you don't know me
How could you say that to a stranger?
Why would you put yourself above me
when you don’t know, you don’t know me?
You don’t know me
You think that all I do is follow you around like a dumb dog
I've licked my wounds by now and I'm so happy
I've licked my wounds by now and I'm so happy
Are you with someone better
who you're not so afraid of?
I'm with someone better,
why are you still holding on?
You've made me so insecure
You've made me so insecure
Well, you still owe me, you still owe me,
why are you still holding on?
Well, you still owe me, you still owe me,
why are you still holding on?
You've made me so insecure
You've made me so insecure
You've made me, you've made me
so...insecure...
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2. |
Phases of the Moon
03:56
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I am slivered, I am carved
I’m a sliver, a disappearing arc
the black sky, the moon’s hollow –
the moon’s hollowed eyes
I’m slipping into purple night –
ripe, orb of light
trying to guide, trying to mystify
my body scarred by passing eyes
red river between my thighs
What a pull, what a guise
Shadowy and bright,
then full, then wise
Shadowy and bright
then new, then wise
as she moves from new
to the waxing moon of increasing light
to the full moon
to the waning moon of decreasing light
to the new moon
and my heart fills and floods
in rhythm with the tide
my heart fills and floods
in rhythm with the tide
as she moves from the new moon
to the waxing moon of increasing light
to the full moon
to the waning moon of decreasing light
to the new moon
From the new moon
to the waxing moon of increasing light
to the full moon
to the waning moon of decreasing light
to the new moon
and my heart fills and falls
in rhythm with the tide
my heart fills and falls
in rhythm with the tide
my heart fills and falls
in rhythm with the tide
Long night, faint light
punctuates the blue
Long night, faint light
punctuates the blue
Long night,
faint light punctuates the blue
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3. |
Where I Come From
03:14
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I can feel something shifting --
all of my friends feel it,
I’m so scared of changing
but if things stay the same,
there won’t be a way to sustain it
Information is coming in slow
from a grainy voice proselytizing on the radio
telling us things that we know and don’t know
"yeah, I’m watering my garden in the hopes it will grow"
But night closed down on me like a hand to my throat
and it squeezed out the light when what I needed the most
was some illuminating sign to show me, show me
where I come from
Where I come from is grass
and long hours passed
behind the wheel of a car
God I miss being bored --
lying on my back,
staring at ceiling
Why can’t I seem to get back there at all?
I know what I want --
I want everything to fall at my feet,
well, forget it, the effort is long
and I’ve been too busy writing this song
Night closed down on me like a hand to my throat
and it squeezed out the light when what I needed the most
was some illuminating sign to show me,
show me, show me, show me,
show me where I come from...
Where I come from...where I come from...come from...
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4. |
The Dam
02:41
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If this is love, I swear I don’t want it
hung up on tenter-hooks, hung over from pain
If this love, I swear I don’t want it
your eyes hard and cold and my mouth the same
I’m not a catcher of dreams anymore
my dreams all escaped when you opened the door
You think that I am blind, that I don’t understand
but I’m reading all the books trying as hard as I can
And I’ve followed the gospel of your god and mine
books bound in paper and books bound in twine
Your words can feel rough and hard to follow
but I’m lapping them up, trying to swallow
You know me, you know who I am
More than half a woman and less than half a man
You know me, you know who I am
The swell of our water is breaking the dam
The swell of our water is breaking the dam
The swell of our water is breaking the dam
The swell of our water is breaking the dam
The swell of our water is breaking the dam
If you are my love, I’ll give you everything
The beat of my heart and the heat of my pain
If you are my love, I’ll give you everything
The catch in my voice when I’m calling your name
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5. |
Come Out
06:19
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Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised, don’t be surprised,
oh no
Who are you, who are you?
I don’t know, but I couldn’t know who I am,
so how could I know anything about
how could I know anything about you?
How could I know anything about, how could I,
how could I know anything about you?
I’m all strung up like a Christmas tree —
bright lights and a mystery to me,
I find that my history is written all over itself.
I’ve got a long rope dangling from the sky
and I’m hanging, but I don’t know why.
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out,
you come out
I’m talking so loud now
all the barbed wire fences coming down
I’m going down a path of no restraint,
and I don’t know how to keep it up
I’m wondering about the things that make me and unmake me
I’m wondering about the things that break me — do they set me free?
I’m wondering about the way you look at me
I’m wondering about the way you look, the way you look
I’m wondering about the waves
I’m wondering about the waves
of deep despair, of blinding joy
I feel it all the time and I can’t unwind,
I want to unwind
Can you be so strong can you keep it up?
Can you be so strong can you keep it up?
Can you be so strong can you keep it up,
can you be so strong?
Can you be so strong can you keep it up,
can you be so strong?
Can you be so strong can you keep it up,
can you be so strong?
Can you be so strong?
Can you keep it up, can you keep it up now?
Can you be so strong?
Can you keep it up, can you keep it up now?
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you come out
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out
you’ve gotta do it again and again
Don’t be surprised if when you come out,
you come out
you come out
you come out
come out, come out, come out
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6. |
The World is Loud
06:27
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I’m reminded now of when I was a girl
pulling the thread of silence until it unfurled
Things to learn, things to know,
memories that I have let go
Now the silence mocks me and lies at my feet
tangled in knots that grow complicated and deep
Your hand can spin the thread
of all the things we’ve left unsaid
And because of this,
I’m spinning out,
whirling blood
where my feet touch down
and make crop circles,
and I’ll take off,
take off
every mask...
I want to show you
what I am
Take me deep in the woods and build me a home --
a clearing of bramble, a well made of stone
Blot the light with the edge of a cloud,
make me quiet, the world is so loud
And because of this,
I’m spinning out,
whirling blood
where my feet touch down
and make crop circles,
and I’ll take off,
take off
every mask...
I want to show you
who I am
But the world is loud...the world is loud...the world is loud...
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7. |
Deeper
03:00
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8. |
Divided
03:11
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I was confronted before I reached the door
I glimpsed the light spilling through the cracks
I started wondering what openings were for,
and I stepped back
My heart felt dangerous this morning –
like it could explode or wilt away
I lay prostrate on the bedroom floor
while my mind bloomed its many shades
I weighed the joy of each forbidden thing
unfolding as a path
against the severity of its threat,
and I was split
Foreign objects in my body begged to be
left alone and taken out of me
In my mind, I passed through many religious spaces
and the language there was strange and steady
They tell me, do not go unless you’re ready…
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9. |
Concubine
03:28
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Only you would notice
all these quiet moments spent
teasing me with emptiness
to fill me up… again
I’m whiling the hours
smelling all the flowers
my fingers still lingering,
trying to find...
The imprint that you left behind,
flooding the wedding bed,
flushing my cheeks with red and
shutting out the light
And I will not force it
like bones into a corset
squeezed into place,
the curve of a line
that you walked alongside me,
brambles and ivy,
I wept for the magic
you left for me to find
If I close my eyes I imagine you, Stormy --
rain spilling over you, your eyes wet and light
I thought I’d come out of this all
sweetness and sticky,
but you left my skin all dotted with your sweet, salty brine
You left my skin all dotted with brine…
Teasing me with emptiness, the Ocean’s concubine
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10. |
Lighthouse
04:54
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I, the lighthouse
you, body always battered on the rocks
my stream of light spanning vast, empty oceans
I’m lost tonight, lost tonight, lost tonight
I have no way to follow
I’m lost tonight, lost tonight, lost tonight
I have no way to follow
I’m lost tonight, lost tonight, lost tonight
I have no way to follow, follow, follow
My glitching gaze, the old ways loom
I’m on my back again going through the motions
god, my emotions
I, the lighthouse
you, body always battered on the rocks
my stream of light spanning vast, empty oceans
[accordion solo]
Carry all your longing in my limp arms
my worry, my friend
I want you on your knees again –
laid out bare and broken, your scars...
I forget what is love
I forget what is love
I forget what is love
what is love?
Hard, let me hear you say
it’s hard to get in with me
Hard to open, hard to close –
too much, too full
Heavy dull doll, my head storm, barren
beating back against the shores I’ve built to keep you from –
I built to hold you in my heart
Let me hear you say that it’s hard to get in with me
Harder open, not too close
too much— too full
What stream of light
I am lost tonight
I have no way to follow
What stream of light
I am lost tonight
I have no way to follow
What stream of light?
I am lost tonight
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Heddwen Minneapolis, Minnesota
Heddwen is an indie duo with singer-songwriters Katie Rudman & Riley Skinner. With their experimental harmonic approach and
dynamic emotional expression, Heddwen’s confessional music creates a space to explore vulnerability. Based in Albuquerque, NM and Minneapolis, MN, Katie and Riley perform across the United States.
For booking and inquiries please email:
heddwenmusic@gmail.com
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