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The World Is Loud

by Heddwen

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1.
Insecure 04:10
You were right, you were right, all I do is follow you around like a dumb dog You were right, you were right, all I do is follow you around like a dumb dog -- will you scratch my itch and take me for a walk? You don't know me, you don't know what I need, you don't know what I could be to you, you don't know, you don't know me How could you say that to a stranger? Why would you put yourself above me when you don’t know, you don’t know me? You don’t know me You think that all I do is follow you around like a dumb dog I've licked my wounds by now and I'm so happy I've licked my wounds by now and I'm so happy Are you with someone better who you're not so afraid of? I'm with someone better, why are you still holding on? You've made me so insecure You've made me so insecure Well, you still owe me, you still owe me, why are you still holding on? Well, you still owe me, you still owe me, why are you still holding on? You've made me so insecure You've made me so insecure You've made me, you've made me so...insecure...
2.
I am slivered, I am carved I’m a sliver, a disappearing arc the black sky, the moon’s hollow – the moon’s hollowed eyes I’m slipping into purple night – ripe, orb of light trying to guide, trying to mystify my body scarred by passing eyes red river between my thighs What a pull, what a guise Shadowy and bright, then full, then wise Shadowy and bright then new, then wise as she moves from new to the waxing moon of increasing light to the full moon to the waning moon of decreasing light to the new moon and my heart fills and floods in rhythm with the tide my heart fills and floods in rhythm with the tide as she moves from the new moon to the waxing moon of increasing light to the full moon to the waning moon of decreasing light to the new moon From the new moon to the waxing moon of increasing light to the full moon to the waning moon of decreasing light to the new moon and my heart fills and falls in rhythm with the tide my heart fills and falls in rhythm with the tide my heart fills and falls in rhythm with the tide Long night, faint light punctuates the blue Long night, faint light punctuates the blue Long night, faint light punctuates the blue
3.
I can feel something shifting -- all of my friends feel it, I’m so scared of changing but if things stay the same, there won’t be a way to sustain it Information is coming in slow from a grainy voice proselytizing on the radio telling us things that we know and don’t know "yeah, I’m watering my garden in the hopes it will grow" But night closed down on me like a hand to my throat and it squeezed out the light when what I needed the most was some illuminating sign to show me, show me where I come from Where I come from is grass and long hours passed behind the wheel of a car God I miss being bored -- lying on my back, staring at ceiling Why can’t I seem to get back there at all? I know what I want -- I want everything to fall at my feet, well, forget it, the effort is long and I’ve been too busy writing this song Night closed down on me like a hand to my throat and it squeezed out the light when what I needed the most was some illuminating sign to show me, show me, show me, show me, show me where I come from... Where I come from...where I come from...come from...
4.
The Dam 02:41
If this is love, I swear I don’t want it hung up on tenter-hooks, hung over from pain If this love, I swear I don’t want it your eyes hard and cold and my mouth the same I’m not a catcher of dreams anymore my dreams all escaped when you opened the door You think that I am blind, that I don’t understand but I’m reading all the books trying as hard as I can And I’ve followed the gospel of your god and mine books bound in paper and books bound in twine Your words can feel rough and hard to follow but I’m lapping them up, trying to swallow You know me, you know who I am More than half a woman and less than half a man You know me, you know who I am The swell of our water is breaking the dam The swell of our water is breaking the dam The swell of our water is breaking the dam The swell of our water is breaking the dam The swell of our water is breaking the dam If you are my love, I’ll give you everything The beat of my heart and the heat of my pain If you are my love, I’ll give you everything The catch in my voice when I’m calling your name
5.
Come Out 06:19
Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised, don’t be surprised, oh no Who are you, who are you? I don’t know, but I couldn’t know who I am, so how could I know anything about how could I know anything about you? How could I know anything about, how could I, how could I know anything about you? I’m all strung up like a Christmas tree — bright lights and a mystery to me, I find that my history is written all over itself. I’ve got a long rope dangling from the sky and I’m hanging, but I don’t know why. Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out, you come out I’m talking so loud now all the barbed wire fences coming down I’m going down a path of no restraint, and I don’t know how to keep it up I’m wondering about the things that make me and unmake me I’m wondering about the things that break me — do they set me free? I’m wondering about the way you look at me I’m wondering about the way you look, the way you look I’m wondering about the waves I’m wondering about the waves of deep despair, of blinding joy I feel it all the time and I can’t unwind, I want to unwind Can you be so strong can you keep it up? Can you be so strong can you keep it up? Can you be so strong can you keep it up, can you be so strong? Can you be so strong can you keep it up, can you be so strong? Can you be so strong can you keep it up, can you be so strong? Can you be so strong? Can you keep it up, can you keep it up now? Can you be so strong? Can you keep it up, can you keep it up now? Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you come out Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out you’ve gotta do it again and again Don’t be surprised if when you come out, you come out you come out you come out come out, come out, come out
6.
I’m reminded now of when I was a girl pulling the thread of silence until it unfurled Things to learn, things to know, memories that I have let go Now the silence mocks me and lies at my feet tangled in knots that grow complicated and deep Your hand can spin the thread of all the things we’ve left unsaid And because of this, I’m spinning out, whirling blood where my feet touch down and make crop circles, and I’ll take off, take off every mask... I want to show you what I am Take me deep in the woods and build me a home -- a clearing of bramble, a well made of stone Blot the light with the edge of a cloud, make me quiet, the world is so loud And because of this, I’m spinning out, whirling blood where my feet touch down and make crop circles, and I’ll take off, take off every mask... I want to show you who I am But the world is loud...the world is loud...the world is loud...
7.
Deeper 03:00
8.
Divided 03:11
I was confronted before I reached the door I glimpsed the light spilling through the cracks I started wondering what openings were for, and I stepped back My heart felt dangerous this morning – like it could explode or wilt away I lay prostrate on the bedroom floor while my mind bloomed its many shades I weighed the joy of each forbidden thing unfolding as a path against the severity of its threat, and I was split Foreign objects in my body begged to be left alone and taken out of me In my mind, I passed through many religious spaces and the language there was strange and steady They tell me, do not go unless you’re ready…
9.
Concubine 03:28
Only you would notice all these quiet moments spent teasing me with emptiness to fill me up… again I’m whiling the hours smelling all the flowers my fingers still lingering, trying to find... The imprint that you left behind, flooding the wedding bed, flushing my cheeks with red and shutting out the light And I will not force it like bones into a corset squeezed into place, the curve of a line that you walked alongside me, brambles and ivy, I wept for the magic you left for me to find If I close my eyes I imagine you, Stormy -- rain spilling over you, your eyes wet and light I thought I’d come out of this all sweetness and sticky, but you left my skin all dotted with your sweet, salty brine You left my skin all dotted with brine… Teasing me with emptiness, the Ocean’s concubine
10.
Lighthouse 04:54
I, the lighthouse you, body always battered on the rocks my stream of light spanning vast, empty oceans I’m lost tonight, lost tonight, lost tonight I have no way to follow I’m lost tonight, lost tonight, lost tonight I have no way to follow I’m lost tonight, lost tonight, lost tonight I have no way to follow, follow, follow My glitching gaze, the old ways loom I’m on my back again going through the motions god, my emotions I, the lighthouse you, body always battered on the rocks my stream of light spanning vast, empty oceans [accordion solo] Carry all your longing in my limp arms my worry, my friend I want you on your knees again – laid out bare and broken, your scars... I forget what is love I forget what is love I forget what is love what is love? Hard, let me hear you say it’s hard to get in with me Hard to open, hard to close – too much, too full Heavy dull doll, my head storm, barren beating back against the shores I’ve built to keep you from – I built to hold you in my heart Let me hear you say that it’s hard to get in with me Harder open, not too close too much— too full What stream of light I am lost tonight I have no way to follow What stream of light I am lost tonight I have no way to follow What stream of light? I am lost tonight

credits

released April 1, 2022

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Heddwen Minneapolis, Minnesota

Heddwen is an indie duo with singer-songwriters Katie Rudman & Riley Skinner. With their experimental harmonic approach and dynamic emotional expression, Heddwen’s confessional music creates a space to explore vulnerability. Based in Albuquerque, NM and Minneapolis, MN, Katie and Riley perform across the United States. 


For booking and inquiries please email:
heddwenmusic@gmail.com
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